Transformation
by nawsies
Summary: There was nothing more terrible than watching the one you love transform before your eyes, and being powerless to stop it. Nalu angst/fluff.


There was nothing more terrible than watching the one you love transform before your eyes, and being powerless to stop it. Natsu thought he knew fear, he thought he had come to terms with it long ago when Gildarts gave him that speech on Tenrou Island, but he was wrong. He may not have always had the answers, or the strength but he had something he could fight. He knew what his goal was and it was within his hands, failure would be all his own doing. This was beyond him and he knew it, and it made him terrified. He had never felt so out of control, and it was never so important for him to keep it together.

Lucy was sick. Neither Porlyuscia nor Wendy could diagnose her, it was something they had never seen before. However, she recognised the symptoms in herself, even though she had been so young when she'd seen them. It was the illness that had killed her mother.

He had to be strong, she asked him that in all the chaos and the fear that he stay smiling, that he stay the fire in her life that gave her the strength to keep going. He wanted to say that he could do that for her but she had long since become the stars that lit up his life, and gave him the will to move forward. She may have needed his strength but he needed her courage. Without her, he didn't know if he could be that same person. He had to try though. Each new version of herself replaced the last before he got a chance to come to terms with the one that came before. She was deteriorating before his very eyes and he couldn't stop it.

Lucy had always shone. Now her skin was tinged with grey, her hair was falling out and her lips were always cracked and dry. She still had that same light in her eyes though, it reassured him that in all the transformations she was still her. He would help her through this, she would live and return to her old self and they would go on many more adventures.

Natsu sat beside her bed. He wanted to climb in with her but the infirmary beds didn't leave much room for two people. He missed their home. Their bed no longer smelt of her. Even though she had been permitted to spend one night there a few weeks back, she barely smelt of herself nowadays. The smell of antibiotics and sanitizers hung round her, just another thing separating this Lucy from his own.

Wendy couldn't say how long it would be until they could go home again. Lucy's condition was too unstable for them to be far from the infirmary though. In the past year Wendy had a room built in the guild hall so she could always be nearby. Porlyuscia was always on call, even Chelia was at the ready just in case. There was also extensive non-magical treatments involved, IV drips inserted into her arms and blood taken weekly, sometimes even daily. It was worst when they said it was too risky for him to visit and moved her into isolation. He had nearly gone mad, despite hourly updates from Wendy, the whole time he was sure that the next call from her would be the one he was dreading, and he wouldn't have been there to say goodbye.

Natsu kicked himself for not having more faith in her. Lucy was strong, she had the best care she could possibly get, her mother hadn't had magical healers on her side and Lucy did. She would be OK. Luce was stronger than these rogue cells inside of her.

Honestly, Natsu didn't really understand what the illness effecting her was. It had a really long name, something about a cute lima bean Luke…something. He thought the name was a bit off, there was nothing cute about dying. So he started explaining it to himself that there was a dark guild inside of Lucy's bones, she had good mages within her trying to keep the dark guild activity down but they weren't getting enough requests and they didn't know where to be to fight back. It was helpful to think about it like that. He knew that Lucy could defeat dark guilds with one arm tied behind her back, he didn't know how she could fight things called cancer.

Everyone always said Lucy was fighting anyway. Fighting for her life, battling with this disease. But they always said it in hushed tones though, like they knew that she was losing but didn't want to say. Natsu wanted to tell them all to either shut up or to say it loudly, because he knew his Luce and she could beat any foe in front of her, even one inside of her. She was fighting, and they should be proud of her.

She had stood by him through everything, he would be there for her until the end. Although there wasn't anything he could do to heal her, there was no way he was letting go of her just yet. The end was going to have to wait a long time, they had plenty more adventures to go on.

There was nothing more beautiful than watching the person you love most in this world change right in front of you and getting to be a part of it. Natsu had known joy, he had many happy moments in his life that balanced out the bad but nothing compared to this. Even the tastiest fire wouldn't taste as sweet as this victory, one that wasn't even his but he could share in it. That was more than enough.

Lucy was recovering. Wendy was right beside her every step of the way but she was needed less and less. Each day Lucy could do a little bit more for herself. She had to work on her muscles, after so long in bed and being sick they had suffered quite a bit. Natsu was able to help keep her on track in what Wendy called her physiotherapy sessions. It was a lot of fun. Lucy had even managed a solid 'Lucy kick' that morning, Happy was so ecstatic to see it he'd flown down into the guild hall and announced it to everyone. Erza was patiently waiting until Lucy was strong enough to return to their sparring sessions. Lucy had said she could do it but for once Natsu had to be the voice of reason, Erza didn't know the meaning of restraint.

Lucy had other things to work on anyway. She still had healing sessions with Wendy where she made sure that the dark guilds in her body were well and truly done with. Lucy had laughed when he told her how he thought of her illness, it was her old laugh the full one that shook her whole body and made her snort in an 'unladylike manner'. He had missed that laugh so much he cried when he heard it again.

Lucy had gotten worse before she got better. She lost all of her hair, due to the medication rather than the illness which made Natsu wonder why they were giving it to her. Wasn't it supposed to make her better not worse? She got a chest infection that would've been the end if Wendy hadn't been so careful about checking her regularly. Chelia had been called and the two of them worked endlessly on getting rid of it. It was a big ask for the two. They had practised many times on physical injuries but illnesses were harder. The chest infection was apparently so bad because the good guild members inside her just had no idea what to do anymore, they were small in numbers and had no direction. But Lucy had still fought back. If she had given up it wouldn't matter how hard Wendy and Chelia worked, she would've died that night.

Natsu wrapped his arms round her tighter, afraid that he'd wake up and find this all a dream after the nightmare being his reality for so long. They had been allowed to move back home on a permanent basis two weeks ago. Lucy smelt like his Luce again and he burrowed his face in the crook of her neck. He had missed this, the simplicity of holding her in his arms against him. He had missed lying next to her, he had missed the steady sound of her heartbeat and the warmth of her skin.

Some things were still different. He didn't know how long it would take for everything to go back to normal, or if it ever would. Her hair was as short as Happy's fur and just as fuzzy. He liked it long but it was fun to nuzzle when short. He was also even more aware of any changes in her breathing, her heartbeat, her temperature, always afraid that she would get worse again. He didn't think that fear would ever go away.

It had only been two months since she'd shown steady improvement and he didn't feel safe yet. The moment he heard her heart stop beating was still too fresh in his mind. She had been brought back but, it was when the reality had hit him. That this time if she died it was the end, this wasn't a future Lucy this was his one and only Luce. If she died it would be the end of everything he'd dreamed of, the family he wanted to have with her, the home he had started building for them, the ring he'd found her, the adventures they would go on. None of it would happen.

Lucy rolled over in his arms and pressed her lips against his jaw softly, something she'd taken to doing every morning. He traced slow circles on her back and kissed her forehead lightly. Her skin was smooth and healthy again, she was glowing.

"Good morning," she whispered. Another change, her voice no longer wavered. In the same way when she was deteriorating each new version of herself as she recovered was coming too fast for him to keep up. But he knew the end version this time, and he was excited to have his Luce back again.

"Did you sleep OK?" Natsu asked, pressing a second kiss to her forehead.

"These past two weeks I've slept better than I have in the past year." Lucy admitted. "I sleep best with you by my side."

"I'll stay by your side every night then."

"You've been working on that ever since I met you," Lucy grinned, "you never even asked if you could, I just stopped being surprised to find you there."

"I knew what I wanted." Natsu shrugged, "I knew you were never that angry at me. You still cooked breakfast."

Lucy rolled her eyes and wriggled out of his arms. "Speaking of breakfast, I'm starving. How do pancakes sound?"

"I'm all fired up," Natsu watched her as she tugged her long shirt back down and wrapped his scarf round her neck. She was the most beautiful part of his life, the most perfect creation he would ever find. He was well aware of how lucky he was. He would never give her up without a fight, and he was comforted to know that she wouldn't give up on herself either. There was a long and frightening road ahead of them, but he was certain that so long as she had that light in her eyes and he carried fire in his heart, they could face anything.


End file.
